The Calm and Happy Toddler: Gentle Solutions to Tantrums, Night Waking, Potty Training and More by Dr Rebecca Chicot

Author:Dr Rebecca Chicot [Chicot, Dr Rebecca]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781473527591
Publisher: Ebury Publishing
Published: 2015-12-03T00:00:00+00:00

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TOP TIP

Toddlers don’t have a good handle on the concept of time, so, instead of saying he can paint in ten minutes, put it into a context he will understand. For example, ‘We can get the paints out after we have fed the cat and I’ve washed the dishes.’

chapter thirteen

didn’t! fibbing, lying and hiding

‘Children and fools tell the truth.’

English Proverb

LET’S BE HONEST, the vast majority of adults lie on a daily or weekly basis. These may be white lies, a slight massaging of the truth, or lies that get us out of ‘trouble’ or to get an outcome we want. Lying is not something adults are proud of or something we want to have to contend with in our children, which is why we get very judgemental and upset when our children lie.

However, lying is a universal stage in your child’s development and it is actually a sign that your toddler is developing cognitively. This means that a child that lies understands that the recipient of the lie has less knowledge of the facts than she does. This is a huge step and something that separates us from most animals.

Your toddler will probably begin to tell her first fibs soon after her second birthday. With her limited vocabulary, theory of mind (see here) and mental concepts, the first lies are usually simple denials. So when asked outright if she has done something ‘wrong’ she will begin to say ‘no’ as they understand that certain behaviours are frowned upon and associated with parental disapproval. However, the subterfuge is very limited – as soon as you ask follow-up questions she will be unable to maintain her story.

In a straw poll of my friends, nearly all of their toddlers had at one time covered themselves in Sudocrem nappy cream and then (whilst basted in the stuff), solemnly announced it wasn’t them!

By the time your toddler is three her social and emotional development has led to an increase in noticing ‘polite’ behaviour and an increased, though limited, empathy with others. She might be able to tell a white lie, especially if she is coached to, for example, ‘If Aunty Sally comes here please say you like her new hair colour as she’s a bit upset about it.’ Your toddler will be the weak link in the chain but she may also be able to briefly withhold exciting surprise information, e.g. that her Mother’s Day card is hidden in her bedroom, until the morning … but it will be tough.

Your toddler’s fibbing ‘skills’ will increase as her cognitive development increases, her social and emotional development increases, and her language acquisition develops.

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